


Scenes From A Roadtrip

by bessemerprocess



Category: Fake News RPF, Pundit & Broadcast Journalist RPF (US), The Colbert Report RPF, The Daily Show RPF
Genre: Gen, Remixed, Road Trip, Stars, cranky pundits, drive through the night, fall fandom free-for-all, feed the cranky people, name your favorite constellation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-17
Updated: 2009-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-02 20:32:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessemerprocess/pseuds/bessemerprocess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They get the last car available at the rental counter: a yellow VW Bug. It's small, but Jon doesn't care because Stephen has maybe fifteen minutes left before turning into a miserable three year old if they don't eat right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scenes From A Roadtrip

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to sarken for the beta job. This fic was written for Fall Fandom Free-For-All for raysgal, who was incredibly patient about how long this took.

"There isn't anything you can get us on? Anything that would even just get us closer to New York?" Jon asks desperately.

"I'm sorry, sir. Nothing is taking off tonight and tomorrow may even be worse," says the airline attendant. "It doesn't look like the weather is going to clear up and the pilots, well, I think they'll strike at midnight

Jon returns to where Stephen is sitting. "Nothing. We're stuck." Jon sighs.

"What are we supposed to do in Des Moines?"

It's not quite a whine, but Jon knows Stephen is tired and cranky and needs food before he completely melts down. They'd been delayed out of LA almost six hours and by the time they diverted to Des Moines and landed, the airport was mostly closed down. Even the vending machines were locked.

"Let's rent a car and find a hotel room," Jon says, hauling Stephen to his feet.

They get the last car available at the rental counter: a yellow VW Bug. It's small, but Jon doesn't care because Stephen has maybe fifteen minutes left before turning into a miserable three year old if they don't eat right now.

The rental process is thankfully fast and hassle free and they're on the road in less than ten minutes.

Jon takes them through the first fast food place he sees and after ten chicken nuggets and enough Coke to drown a horse, Stephen starts sounding like a rational human being again.

"Thanks," he says. "I needed that."

Jon grins. "Yeah, buddy, you did."

Stephen sheepishly smiles back. "So, what's the plan? I wasn't actually paying attention earlier."

"We have a car. We go get a hotel room, get some sleep and then figure out what's going on in the morning."

***

Stephen is up and puttering around his hotel room at 5:20 a.m. when Jon walks in through the connecting door, grumbling. "No flights out today either."

"Nothing?" Stephen asks plaintively.

"Nothing," Jon replies with a sigh.

"Damn."

"Yeah."

"Why don't we just drive home?" says Stephen. "We're already halfway there."

"In a yellow Bug?" asks Jon.

"Why not? What's wrong with the humble yellow Bug? Does it not have wheels? Does it not go forward?" Stephen says, gesturing emphatically.

Jon groans, "Fine, fine. We'll drive home."

Jon calls the rental company to let them know while Stephen packs up the few belongings he'd taken out of his suitcases last night.

***

It's still dark out, the moon clearly visible and the streets empty. Of course, Stephen insisted on stopping for snacks fifteen minutes into the drive. Twizzlers, Starburst, Mambos, Jolly Ranchers and a pack of baby carrots filled the plastic bag from the gas station Jon had stopped at.

"Jesus, Stephen. Are you trying to relive your childhood here?" Jon asks. He wonders how many car trips Stephen remembers with a car full of shouting kids and loving parents.

"I simply procured the necessities for land travel, Jon. You can't go on a road trip without candy."

"And the baby carrots? I thought they were on notice?"

"No, the baby carrots and I have a truce. They're not going to turn me gay and I'll use them to annoy you," Stephen says with a grin and crunches down extra hard on the vegetable.

Jon tries not to roll his eyes. Sometimes Stephen goes a little overboard with the character, and winning an Emmy has seemed to encouraged it.

Jon leans over and turns the radio up.

***

Stephen falls asleep with his head against the window. Jon's not quiet sure how he manages the feat-- Stephen has possibly consumed his entire body weight in sugar over the last hour or so--but he does. One minute he'd been pontificating on the wonders of the American highway system as Eisenhower's crowning glory and the next he'd been out like a light. It's been a crazy week, Jon has to admit, not even counting a diverted plane and a pilots' strike. Watching Stephen win that Emmy had made Jon's chest tight with pride and joy and just a tinge of sadness. Like he was passing the baton, or some other sports metaphor. Jon wonders if this is what it's like to have a little brother.

Indiana is flat and empty, and Jon watches it to a soft soundtrack of NPR and Stephen's wuffling snores. The cars pass them, buzzing about their business, as Jon sinks further into his own thoughts. Maybe Stephen is right about car trips, maybe they really are the epitome of the American experience, or at least American family nostalgia.

***

They get a flat tire right before the Ohio-Pennsylvania border. They're both singing along to the music on Stephen's iPod when they feel the thunk and are forced to pull off the road. It's eight thirty at night, because Stephen insisted on stopping at every kitschy locale and tourist stop that had caught his eye, and about to rain.

Jon is sure that between the two of them, they can figure out how to change a flat. They're both fully grown, intelligent adults and this is a task they teach in Girl Scouts, for god's sake.

Stephen figures out how to get to the jack and Jon winches the spare tire out of its hiding place. The makers of the Bug must have figured stranded motorists would just push their car to the nearest service station, because it's not designed to let you change a tire any too easily.

Between the two of them, they manage to change the tire, but not before it starts raining.

"It doesn't rain in first class," Jon sighs.

"There's no mud there either," Stephen agrees, wiping his hands on his pants.

***

They are tired and wet when they pull into the diner's parking lot. Inside is warm, bright, and filled with chattering people. The waitress wanders over and give them menus and water with a smile. "Would you two dear like anything else to drink?"

Jon mutters, "Whiskey and two bullets," under his breath, but it's covered by Stephen's request for a coke.

When the food comes, it is steaming hot and heaped tall on the platter. It's enough to make Jon not care about his wet socks or the fact they still have to drive through Pennsylvania. Between finishing off the hot food and ducking into the restroom to change into dry clothes, Jon is starting to feel human again.

***

Stephen takes over driving after dinner.

"You can actually see stars out here," Jon says peering up put of the passenger side window. "Real constellations: Orion and Cassiopeia and the Pleiades."

"I didn't know you were an astronomy buff," Stephen said.

"I took it in college. Mostly to pick up a girl, but I managed to actually retain some knowledge."

"I like the Big Dipper," Stephen says. "I can always find it."

"I would have though you would have picked something obscure. Bootes, or something," Jon says.

"Nope," Stephen replies. "I like things I can find. That will always be there when I look up."

***

It's 4 a.m. by the time they make it to Stephen's house. Jon takes up his offer of the guest bed, because traffic in New York can be bad even at 4am and he doesn't have a place to stick the car at his apartment anyway.

Stephen creeps silently through his house, returning with pillows and a blanket for Jon.

"It was fun," Stephen says.

Jon looks at him for a moment, wondering which part was fun: the 17 hours in the car or the flat tire. Then the look on Stephen's face registers through Jon's exhaustion.

"I'll still be here. When you wake up, I mean. Pancakes," Jon says, hand on Stephen's arm.

"Night, Jon," Stephen says, smile taking over his face.

"Night, Stephen," Jon replies, returning the smile.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Scenes from a #Roadtrip](https://archiveofourown.org/works/85736) by [Themistoklis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themistoklis/pseuds/Themistoklis)




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